Dirty Pick-Up Lines

Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
Will you marry me for just one night?
Motion with one finger for a girl to come to you. When, or if she comes, say: I just made you come with one finger. Imagine what I could do with two.
Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.

Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat meright, and I'll do it your way right away.
Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."
Um...I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
(Leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let's go to my room and put our pieces together.
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is...
Are you a Pokemon?? Cuz i'd sure like to pikachu!!
Nice legs, lets eat out.
I want to kiss your belly button, and move all the way down to your lips.
I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
Can you help me up? My dick is too big.
Hi, I was just wondering? Do you wipe front-to-back or back-to-front? --- 0
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be!
Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.
I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

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Are you a horse? (No) Can I ride you anyway?
Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
Let's just fuck.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I'll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
Oh, yeah, [band name] is really great. . . I have all their rare stuff. You can come over to my place and tape it all if you want.
Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons.
Your face or mine?
Motion for girl to come here with one finger), "If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!"
Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I'll owe you one.

See these guys try to Pick Up Girls

Do you like Stove Top stuffing? Great, you can stuff me on your stove top anytime.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
The best part of me is covered up.
Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?
I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.

You know, looking at you right now, in this light... I could fuck you.You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You've got an ass that makes me want to be your wallet!!!
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Do you like clocks? (if yes) put two hands and a face on this. (pointing down)
You be Poland, I'll be Germany
Do you want to see something swell?
So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight?
I lost my rubber duckie. Would you bathe with me instead?
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long!
Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"
Believe it or not, gettin' laid is still hard when you're this good-looking.
Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
Have you ever played leap frog naked??
The trojans loved helen so much they jumped into a horse, i love u so much i wanna jump into a trojan.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
Baby you're a sex crime waiting to happen.
I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
Wow! Are those real?
If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
Please tell your tits to stop looking at my eyes.
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Do you like magic? (Yes or No) I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.
I lost my teddy bear can i sleep with you tonight?
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
So long as we're in the theater....why don't we get some play?
Do you want to be like my speedo and hug my balls?
Woman to Man: You know how I am with dicks? I suck at it.
Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
Kissing is a language of love....so how about a conversation?
Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.
While behind someone at a fast food place say; you should order a number 69; ( what's that?) an order of fries and a coke with me on the side.
If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".
Do you want to see the soles of your feet in the wing mirrors in my car?
Guy pulls out a quarter"if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?"
What is long and hard, and right behind you?
Can you believe it? It's been more than fifteen minutes since I've had sex.
Mines bigger than his want proof?
Let's play hockey. I"ll be the net, and you can score.
I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Your so hot that even on a cold winter night my penis would stand for you.
(Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself.
Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop? Wanna find out?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Have you ever wondered what a vaginal blood fart smelt like?(No) Cool....me neither.
He: Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars? She (sheepishly): Yes.
Are you a cupcake? (No....why...?) Cause you probably taste really sweet!!!!
The most common pickup line used in a gay bar: May I push in your stool?
Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
I'm an army recruiter. Why don't you come over to my place and "be all you can be."
As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
(Put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up)
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick. And if I don't get one soon, they won't let me pledge...
Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
Hey babe! Did you hear about the guy and the girl who talked together at the dance? Well...Let me read you the story tonight when I tuck us into bed!
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: "Smile if you want to have sex with me." Watch her smile!
So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I've got one that I'm just dying to put in your drawers.
May I end this sentence with a proposition?
Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?
Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
If you were floor boards i would take out all the nails and screw you.
The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
What do you like for breakfast?
You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What's wrong with my clothing?)
I'm a starving artist and I want to eat you.
Girl, I would love to lick your belly button......from the inside!
Do you know anything about real estate? (Grab crotch or breasts) I was just wondering if you could tell me if this is a lot.
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
You should stop drinking! (Why?) Because you are driving me home.
You'd mind if I fantasize about you?
And really, who can blame you with a gorgeous face like this. So can I snatch a kiss or vice-versa (that is kiss a snatch).
My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
(Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
They call me "coffee". I grind so fine.
I'll make you shiver when I deliver.
Although you seem content, you also seem quite alone over here. Can I interrupt your reverie?
Tell me how my cum tastes.
I would be honored if I could park my beef bus in tuna town.
Have you seen my enormous jar of "Penis Reducing Cream"?
You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place.
What do I have to do to be your booty call?
That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
You say, "So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?" The reply, "No". You respond, "Well then, let's go to my place and I'll tell you all about it."
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!
If you jingle my bells I can promise you a white Christmas.
My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going....
You must be Jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin.
Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
You didn't? You owe me one.
Don't worry, I don't get emotionally involved. It's just physical.
Do you like blueberries or strawberries, 'cause I want to know what kind of pancakes to order in the morning.
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pick up the bread and say, "Wanna roll?"
Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
Sex is a killer ... want to die happy?.
My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a penis?
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you?
Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
I'm the doctor of love baby and you're over due for your meat injection!
Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
Have you ever played "Spank the brunette"? Want to try?
My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
Woman to Man: I'll give you a nickel if I can tickle your pickle....
I think I love you but I can't be sure until I kiss you...
Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice.
That's a nice smile. It'd look better if it was all you were wearing!
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
You are rubber, I'm glue, what ever you say, I bet I will fuck you.
Hey baby, I'll fuck you so hard the neighbors will be having a cigarette when we're done.
That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd becoming too!
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Just where do those legs of yours end?
I'll bet you $10 my dick can't fit into your mouth.
Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thighmaster?
What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out?
Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!
What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
You touch her shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later.
Excuse me, but you have a "dick for" on your head. [What's a "dick for"?] I'll show you.
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
Male: Hey, I don't feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
Can I please be your slave tonight?
If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a clown.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
You make my software turn to hardware!
Let's make out so I can see if you taste as good as you look!
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give.
You know, I never was to good at math...like if I put you and I together, I'd get 69.
You know what they say about guys with big hands? [What] Big latex.
This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.
Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
My name's Pogo, d'ya wanna jump on my stick?
Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "Fuck it".
If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
What do you think of Bill Clinton? (Answer...) Yeah, me too, but I try not to follow that stuff regarding Bill, Hilliary, or Monica.
Woman to Man: Either my eyes need checking or you're the best looking guy I've seen all week.
Thanks for the blow job last night. (What blow job? I didn't give you one.)
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more?
Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?
Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long.
I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
I'm a french fry and you're ketchup. Can i get in you?
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just practice?
Are you an Emerson? Because emmerson are some nice tits!Clothes look heavy on ya, want me to relieve some!!!
You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?"
I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?
Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.You're on my list of things to do tonight.
For women: when he asks to get into your pants just say, No thanks I have one asshole in there already!
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.
You remind me of my cousin. (How?) I want to fuck you so bad, but I know that I can't.
Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
Do you have any tacos on you? (No.) In that case, will you make out with me?
I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside..
I got a 14 inch cock, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride it.
When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.
As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.
Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
Are your knees dirty? I don't want to get my floor dirty.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?
Let's go fuck in a brand new limo.
Hey baby. Why don't you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?
Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.
Roses are red, misquitos are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.
Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna screw?"
I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off.
I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it.
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
My friend and I made a bet and I need to check if those are implants.
Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
Hi, I'm a representative for Joe Boxer. I'm doing a survey on which brand guys prefer leaving in the corner of the room while having wild sex.
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a banana cream.
Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?
I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.
I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements?
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?
I'm like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!
Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
How do you like your eggs cooked? [Why?] Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
Are you from Ireland? Cause when I look at you my penis is Dublin.
Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I'll disappear in the morning.
Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?
Woman to Man: If you're naughty go to your room. If you wanna be naughty go to my room!
I'm like a power plant. It's hard to turn me down and I can turn you on
Boy, it sure is hot and stuffy in here. Would you like to take a cold shower?
Can I put my magic wand in your Harry Potter.
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Just like a tootsie roll pop, I'd liked to find out how many licks it takes to get to your center.
You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong
I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night?
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
Can you give me a tour of your body?
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
As long as i have a face, u alwayz have a place to sit.
Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
That's a nice shirt, can I take you out of it?
Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I'm sure you can offer 69.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
Save water, shower with a friend!
Hey Baby, you want to come to my house and work on your math skills? We can add the bed, subtract the cloths, divide the legs and multiply!
This Valentine's Day, I really want you to know how I feel.....So you better use both hands.
Do you like Backstreet Boys. Good, because my penis is larger than life.
He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents? She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am? He: We've established what kind of woman that you are, we're just haggling over the price.
Do you wanna be my kangaroo so we can hop all night.
Guy: I bet you're a C-cup. Girl: How'd you know that? Guy: My testicles are the same size.
I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands.
OH GOD! OH GOD! Just practicing.
Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?
Excuse me, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
Girls are sexy, guys are fine I'll be your six if you'll be my nine!
The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
If you talk to me, I'll fuck you.
You are so beautiful, that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass, just to jerk off in your shadow.
Nike took my motto: Just Do It.
Are you in to Casual Sex or should I dress up?
I'm Irish, wanna taste my lucky charms?
Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?
Come back to my place so I can give you a lovely parting gift.
My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.
Can you help me find my puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Fuck me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night.
Are you a farmer? No, 'cuz you sure know how to raise a cock.
Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
Do you come here often? Because I'm about to come here right now.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
Fancy a fuck?
We'll probably never see each other again, so let's screw.